I am that girl who skipped most of kindergarten because the other girls in her class wouldn't let her play with their dolls because she had brown skin and was therefore dirty. I am that girl who got so upset she used to hide in the bathroom when it was time to go to kindergarten. I am that girl whose mother was wise enough to pull her out of kindergarten the very next day and enrol her in a less rascist kindy.

I am that girl who was so nervous for primary school netball tryouts that she forgot how to run. I am that girl who used to go home everyday after school and be on edge till she told her mother exaaactly what happened in school that day. I am that girl who was filled with excitement as her birthday approached. I am that girl who hated maths and science and tried to read novels when she was supposed to be studying, by hiding them inside her textbooks. I am that girl who was never afraid to perform on stage.

I am that girl who had red spectacles and took a lot of flak for them. I am that girl who thrived on literature but had an aversion to physics and maths. I am that girl who lost all confidence in herself academically, in secondary school. I am that girl who had a complex because she thought she was stupid. I am that girl who excelled in debating, drama and softball but hated exams and always got "could do better if she put her mind to it" in her school report cards.

I am that girl whom everyone thought was always sunny but who wasn't and felt she could never show it. I am that girl who used to cry in the bathroom or sob into her pillow at night so that nobody would see her cry. I am that girl who felt her sister didn't love her and couldn't understand why. I am the girl who always loved a good read and had aspirations of becoming an author.

I am that girl who later discovered that she could write decently if she wanted to. I am that girl who is slowly beginning to believe in herself and her capabilities. I am that girl who is beginning to realise that she has a brain after all and that she is not all that hopeless when it comes to academics!

I am that girl who always had a special relationship with the Lord when she was little and talked to him as a friend. I am that girl who seriously told God to stop playing and please return her eraser/pencil/ruler as she was late for school. I am that girl who subsequently always found her eraser/pencil/ruler and therefore believed that the Lord was her friend who was playing with her. I am that girl who later developed a strong conscious faith in the Lord. I am that girl who keenly believes that different religions are merely different paths to the same goal. I am that girl who believes that her faith can get her through anything that life throws at her.

I am that girl who believes that the minute a man raises his hand to her in anger, it's time to leave. I am that girl believes that feminism is a grossly misused word and that all it means is that women are just as worthy as men and therefore deserve the same opportunities as men. I am that girl who hates it when people refer to rape victims and say "she was asking for it because of the way she was dressed." I am that girl who believes wholeheartedly that nobody deserves to be abused, whatever they might do. I am that girl who is a feminist and is woman enough to admit it.

I am that girl whose second best life-decision was to work before continuing her studies and whose best life-decision was to up and go to a brand new country and start afresh. I am that girl who loves where she's at right now and who she is.

I am that girl who now understands 90% of her flatmates' conversations in Hindi. I am that girl who kicked a vice and is stronger for it. I am that girl who enjoys a nice long walk with good music for company. I am that girl who also enjoys a drink and a good dance party on ocassion. I am that girl who still loves to read and still aspires to be an author some day. I am that girl who prefers the cold to heat and humidity. I am that girl who is constantly amazed at the expanse of space she is surrounded by and the beauty of the country she is in. I am that girl who tries to remember to thank the Lord for the little things in life.

I am that girl who has made mistakes in her life, some with dire consequences, and kicks herself each time she thinks of them. I am that girl who believes whole-heartedly in the power of love, despite many setbacks. I am that girl who often scoffs at marriage but secretly wants a cosy home with a man she loves, respects and admires and children to shower with love, but doesn't know yet whom she'll have this with. I am also that girl who, at the same time, wants desperately to make it on her own. I am that girl who secretly worries sometimes, that she is getting on in years and will end up never getting married. I am also that girl who chastises herself the very next minute and tells herself that she will marry for love or not at all. I am that girl who often has such seemingly odd conversations with herself in her mind and is totally comfortable with that.

I am that girl who finally knows what she wants but has just found out that she can never have it. I am that girl who treasures close friends over most else and who is ecstatic at having gotten a precious friendship back that she thought she had lost. I am that girl who feels her heart has been broken many a time and is continually amazed at her own ability to bounce back. I am that girl who hopes and prays that this ability will never fail her. I am that girl who is tired of looking but will not settle for second best.

I am that girl who is often tired of worldly responsibilities and wishes she could run away to the Himalayas. I am that girl who is capable of deep, insightful thoughts one minute and right the next minute, obsess about not having straight hair because it's just so much prettier!

I am that girl who values family more and more as the years pass and absolutely dreads the day the inevitable happens and she no longer has them. I am that girl who understands that parting, whether temporary or permanent is an inescapable part of life. I am that girl who believes that life is too short to waste on petty grudges or misunderstandings. I am that girl who believes in fighting for what she wants in life. I am that girl who believes in following her heart and her gut but sometimes thinks that perhaps she should also take her head into account.

I am that girl who often flips back to the previous chapters in her life and wishes she had done things differently. I am that girl who wishes that she could turn the clock back by a year. Or at least eight months. I am that girl who needs to stop obsessing. I am that girl who needs to realise that she makes mistakes and that it's ok. I am that girl who needs to move on. I am that girl who looks back upon this year and sometimes wonders how she got through it. I am that girl who then checks herself and thanks the Lord for the support she's received in the form of her friends and family. I am that girl who hopes and prays that the next year will be better than this one.

I am that girl. Who are you?

Click here to go to MercerMachine's blog. It's worth a read.