Solitary Weekend   ¶ 11:28 am

  Substitute People I was watching Elizabethtown (*drroool* Orlando Bloom) over the weekend and Kirsten Dunst's character brings up a very interesting theory about substitute people. Could it really be that some of us are only meant to be substitute people? I've sometimes wondered, though I never really coined that term...

The concept of substitute people goes like this: it's a belief that some people are only meant to be fillers in relationships and not take the lead role. On one level, that could mean that some of us only want to be mistresses and never wives. On another level, it could mean that we can't handle being Numero Uno and therefore pick guys who are already married - to their work for instance and therefore, are not dependant on us. That, I think, is the bit that I relate to - I'd hate to be someone's pivotal point. I broke off a previous relationship because he seemed to think that I was the glue that held his life together. And that, I could not live with! After much deliberation, I've come to the conclusion that it's because I don't accord relationships enough importance to place them in the top spot. They're important, sure. But not important enough to be the glue. I can live without them. It'll be difficult, but I'll survive.

When I was younger, I used to tell people that I'd like to marry a top knotch surgeon, or a pilot - somebody who wasn't home a lot. And that was the real reason. I instinctively want to be in a relationship with someone who has a life outside of the relationship, so thatI get my space.

I never managed to find that person, but after more deliberation, I've decided that that's probably a good thing. I also don't have enough staying power to make a relationship like that last and I would have most definitely lost interest.

So I guess it's good that I've got the security of normalcy and all the space and independance I need.  ¶ 11:19 am